the story of my hurt

i should say thanks because i'm here.
not alive but not dead yet i fear.
and today i open my ears and hear
your words pierce my heart like a spear.
a heart so broke it cannot steer
the blood to sustain this lonely queer.

but see I'm a man diseased,
cause i reach out even say please
and everybody smiles with a chilling breeze
but they never hold my hand like these
or kiss my lips with gentle ease
or suck my dick down on their knees.

cause once i thought i found a prize.
thought he thought i was worth the tries.
and i got lost inside his eyes
believed like a fool all his lies.
haven't yet dried my eyes
and his blade-sharp words keep me hypnotized;
stuck in time just paralyzed.

never hurt so much so fucking much
my eyes swollen shut, can't breathe and such.
but i felt it get hard with my touch
i believed in you and insomuch

so sure that you would want my touch,
my kiss was real - yours, not so much.

so stupid me i've been a fool
for believing i could break the rule,
for thinking you wouldn't love being cruel
for dreaming i could ever be cool

once i had hope then i awoke
to find that i am one big joke
whose ass they all just love to poke
then fill my lungs with deadly smoke
and keep me down - my spirit broke.
crack it open and eat the yolk.

i don't believe that you misspoke.

the hurt is all i seem to feel
like a wound so deep it will never heal.
i really believed that you were real.
opened my heart and let you steal
instead of love you made a meal
and now my world seems so surreal
cause still I got no idea what you feel

but I know this and of this I'm sure
you're in my soul that will endure
there's no way back and no detour
my love for you is raw and pure
and I am stuck here till they find a cure.

Wish you better

I saw an ugly side of you.
I thought all the hurt was through
Until you showed me the real you.
It frightened me as done by few.

Appreciate you never tried
Instead you insulted and criticized
And spoke to me with such disdain
That I will never be the same..

Your words cut deep
But my promises to you I'll keep

because the seeds you sow you reap.

To have a care for me, you never did intend.
However, I still wish you a better friend
than you ever were to me.

soon

you may have forgotten about me.
blocked me so i can't call.
think you are going to get away with it?
you're not. not at all.

see i am not going to forget
the hell you have put me through.
and just when you think you're done
i'll appear just for you.

and you will answer for your lies
and you will answer for turning your back
and you will face me and see the consequences
of your childish and thoughtless acts.

you keep running away,
you think that will work.
it won't. because i haven't forgotten
that you are one big fuckin jerk.

and you are NOT going to get away
without answering to me.
it's just a matter of time.
trust me, you'll see.

see you soon.

No escape

The person I thought I knew never lived

and now I am struggling to forgive
you for all your lies and deceit.
You hide from me and run to meet
someone else who keeps you down
and holds you in a ruined state.
But you cannot escape
the person you wronged.

The one you refuse to admit
deserved better than your shit.
You will wish you had done right by me.
You will see.
But not from me.
I'm not involved.
You left enough problems to solve.

Besides whatever mess
I address
Just makes you call me obsessed.

Where once I cared,
you had a friend that had your back.
But now I turn the other way
Because you did to me just that.

You turned your back on me
and didn't care how hurt I was..
You left me without a thought
of how I would get up and walk.

So whatever comes your way
you earned it from the day

you wouldn't do right by me - 

and you are going to see.

a simple anthem for a friend

i am still here,

not going anywhere.

a friend is always near

in case you feel despair.

i couldn't forget about you

even if i tried.

my loyalty is real and true

and will never be denied.

my hope is that you won't delay

and keep me waiting long.

but i am patient and i can stay.

my friendship is that strong.

it's easy for me to forgive the past

and move ahead beyond.

it may take effort but makes it last

and strengthens a healthy bond.

so here i am for you my friend.

whether or not you call

i will always care without an end

and on that you can depend. 

i am your friend after all.

empty room filled

this empty room is filled with time
that passes slower than eternity.
my soul collapsed, my broken heart arrested
both with you they so long to be.

and left for speculation
is how you must spend the days
without me, without a thought of me.
perhaps better, or worse or maybe just the same.

i am paralayzed.  unable or unwilling to catch the train
to a place of peace where i forget your name.
such determination is only of a fool i know.
but i'm sitting here and waiting though
i know
i know you won't be back.
you won't see my spirit decay.
you don't care that i am numb.
i don't feel the shots fired, the piercing flames
of goodbye, of nice try, of the stupid lies.

i feel next to nothing
except the emptiness of my heart
that beats with only necessity and that alone.

alone the beating sound resounds
with condescending tones, making fun
of my survival so purposeless.
wait,
wait for another day, another way,
another reason to stay.
another empty room filled with time
that won't go away.

No More

To this I shall say "no more,"
to the hours you'd rather ignore
someone in whom sincerity thrives.
You'd rather play games with their lives.

Do you think that there is no end
to the understanding acceptance of a friend,
weary of your unrepentant lack
of the most basic respect and tact.

How unimportant am I in your eyes,
to manipulate me with your lies,
twisting your words to best suit your needs,
unconcerned that a friend will be hurt by your deeds?

Your selfish choices have brought you here
to this road's end where I will make it clear
that I do not see my friend anymore,
the one I thought was special and adored.

Instead I see a callous shrug -
Such apathy as you cower behind the drug.
A versatile excuse when asked to state
why your words and actions do not relate.

The loss of something real is met
with greatest sorrow and regret.
But how does the heart to grieve begin
when lost is only what could have been?