all i got to say

What if I told you how I feel?
Does that leave me with any appeal?
See I know this has to be real -
But can I to you my thoughts reveal?
Or would that mean my fate is sealed?

Cause I can't stop thinking about you.
Can't stop thinking about all you do.
Wanting so much for you to feel it too.
And I can't accept that this is through.
Cause what I feel for you is true.

I know you moved on, got your own man
My heart is trying but it don't understand.
Cause you are my total attention span
and truth is I don't have no plan.
all I wanna do is hold your hand.

I figured it out. See it's all so clear.
I know I lie and try to appear
that I don't wanna hold you near
every second of every month and year.
And that losing you is what I most fear.

It's really all I got to say.
I love you in every way.
I love you tomorrow and today.
I love you near or far away.
Yeah that's all I got to say.

The Lie

Someone for everyone, that's what is said.
We learn and want to believe
because the story masks the dread
of a life meant only to grieve.

The hands of fate could be so cruel.
We'd rather not admit.
Ignore the truth, remain a fool -
a lie we just permit.

Nothing just exists in life.
but one that's most unfair,
is that one can endure such strife
without a soul to care.

Alone is fear, alone means tears.
Alone for all the toxic years.
I watch my friends as each they find
a soul that loves as if assigned.
But I find no such peace of mind.
Worthless flesh, I'm left behind.

Once I believed the evil lie
that love was kind and even I
would find someone who would love me
if I just waited patiently.
But I am tired of this blind belief.
It brings me not a speck of relief
as years roll by and steal my youth
and laugh at me and my silly truth.

The hands of fate are cruel and they
have made me but a joke to play.
Teasing me with wide-eyed dreams.
Love withheld from me it seems.

No one ever could it explain
why love never calls my name.
I can but guess as I look down
that no one falls in love with a clown.

But ringing in my head
as alone I lay in my bed.
I hear that lie so clear:
someone for everyone I hear.
and i say loudly as i spit
what a load of fucking bullshit.

the story of my hurt

i should say thanks because i'm here.
not alive but not dead yet i fear.
and today i open my ears and hear
your words pierce my heart like a spear.
a heart so broke it cannot steer
the blood to sustain this lonely queer.

but see I'm a man diseased,
cause i reach out even say please
and everybody smiles with a chilling breeze
but they never hold my hand like these
or kiss my lips with gentle ease
or suck my dick down on their knees.

cause once i thought i found a prize.
thought he thought i was worth the tries.
and i got lost inside his eyes
believed like a fool all his lies.
haven't yet dried my eyes
and his blade-sharp words keep me hypnotized;
stuck in time just paralyzed.

never hurt so much so fucking much
my eyes swollen shut, can't breathe and such.
but i felt it get hard with my touch
i believed in you and insomuch

so sure that you would want my touch,
my kiss was real - yours, not so much.

so stupid me i've been a fool
for believing i could break the rule,
for thinking you wouldn't love being cruel
for dreaming i could ever be cool

once i had hope then i awoke
to find that i am one big joke
whose ass they all just love to poke
then fill my lungs with deadly smoke
and keep me down - my spirit broke.
crack it open and eat the yolk.

i don't believe that you misspoke.

the hurt is all i seem to feel
like a wound so deep it will never heal.
i really believed that you were real.
opened my heart and let you steal
instead of love you made a meal
and now my world seems so surreal
cause still I got no idea what you feel

but I know this and of this I'm sure
you're in my soul that will endure
there's no way back and no detour
my love for you is raw and pure
and I am stuck here till they find a cure.

Wish you better

I saw an ugly side of you.
I thought all the hurt was through
Until you showed me the real you.
It frightened me as done by few.

Appreciate you never tried
Instead you insulted and criticized
And spoke to me with such disdain
That I will never be the same..

Your words cut deep
But my promises to you I'll keep

because the seeds you sow you reap.

To have a care for me, you never did intend.
However, I still wish you a better friend
than you ever were to me.

soon

you may have forgotten about me.
blocked me so i can't call.
think you are going to get away with it?
you're not. not at all.

see i am not going to forget
the hell you have put me through.
and just when you think you're done
i'll appear just for you.

and you will answer for your lies
and you will answer for turning your back
and you will face me and see the consequences
of your childish and thoughtless acts.

you keep running away,
you think that will work.
it won't. because i haven't forgotten
that you are one big fuckin jerk.

and you are NOT going to get away
without answering to me.
it's just a matter of time.
trust me, you'll see.

see you soon.

No escape

The person I thought I knew never lived

and now I am struggling to forgive
you for all your lies and deceit.
You hide from me and run to meet
someone else who keeps you down
and holds you in a ruined state.
But you cannot escape
the person you wronged.

The one you refuse to admit
deserved better than your shit.
You will wish you had done right by me.
You will see.
But not from me.
I'm not involved.
You left enough problems to solve.

Besides whatever mess
I address
Just makes you call me obsessed.

Where once I cared,
you had a friend that had your back.
But now I turn the other way
Because you did to me just that.

You turned your back on me
and didn't care how hurt I was..
You left me without a thought
of how I would get up and walk.

So whatever comes your way
you earned it from the day

you wouldn't do right by me - 

and you are going to see.

a simple anthem for a friend

i am still here,

not going anywhere.

a friend is always near

in case you feel despair.

i couldn't forget about you

even if i tried.

my loyalty is real and true

and will never be denied.

my hope is that you won't delay

and keep me waiting long.

but i am patient and i can stay.

my friendship is that strong.

it's easy for me to forgive the past

and move ahead beyond.

it may take effort but makes it last

and strengthens a healthy bond.

so here i am for you my friend.

whether or not you call

i will always care without an end

and on that you can depend. 

i am your friend after all.

empty room filled

this empty room is filled with time
that passes slower than eternity.
my soul collapsed, my broken heart arrested
both with you they so long to be.

and left for speculation
is how you must spend the days
without me, without a thought of me.
perhaps better, or worse or maybe just the same.

i am paralayzed.  unable or unwilling to catch the train
to a place of peace where i forget your name.
such determination is only of a fool i know.
but i'm sitting here and waiting though
i know
i know you won't be back.
you won't see my spirit decay.
you don't care that i am numb.
i don't feel the shots fired, the piercing flames
of goodbye, of nice try, of the stupid lies.

i feel next to nothing
except the emptiness of my heart
that beats with only necessity and that alone.

alone the beating sound resounds
with condescending tones, making fun
of my survival so purposeless.
wait,
wait for another day, another way,
another reason to stay.
another empty room filled with time
that won't go away.

No More

To this I shall say "no more,"
to the hours you'd rather ignore
someone in whom sincerity thrives.
You'd rather play games with their lives.

Do you think that there is no end
to the understanding acceptance of a friend,
weary of your unrepentant lack
of the most basic respect and tact.

How unimportant am I in your eyes,
to manipulate me with your lies,
twisting your words to best suit your needs,
unconcerned that a friend will be hurt by your deeds?

Your selfish choices have brought you here
to this road's end where I will make it clear
that I do not see my friend anymore,
the one I thought was special and adored.

Instead I see a callous shrug -
Such apathy as you cower behind the drug.
A versatile excuse when asked to state
why your words and actions do not relate.

The loss of something real is met
with greatest sorrow and regret.
But how does the heart to grieve begin
when lost is only what could have been?

The Moon

I run from the moon.

As with you and I, embraced

a night that ended too soon.

It hangs there in the sky

like a half-lit motel sign flashing

"Stupid Try."

Every night not be ignored

it is a recurrent reminder

of what is no more.

I endure its taunt so cruelly proud

except for an occasional night

when mercy sends a cloud.

I keep running but always above

the night sky calls to me

and I remember the love.

My memories may fade and dim

but the moon and I

will never forget him.

The Time We Spent As Friends

Today is better than the day before,
And tomorrow I'm sure to be even more
of a memory so distant and far from your cares.
Still I wonder quite often if your heart ever dares
to remember me and the time that we did spend
together, the time that we spent as friends.

I made it no secret, offered no such disguise.
Willing to stay hypnotised by your eyes.
The sound of your words so tender and kind
A symphony filling my heart and my mind
with wonder and questions of how this could be
Can the splendor of you be intended for me?

Helpless to fight what pulled me to you,
your touch like a magnet; your words overdue.
The spell was then cast and in it I remain
bewitched and alive at the sound of your name.
But no incantation or spell could it change
the call of your heart which did not feel the same.

Which leaves me here now at the end of a trail
where I must decide if indeed i did fail.
I turn and look back to see just who I was;
before I knew you; before I knew love.
And declare it no failure and strongly defend.
Success was every day that we spent as friends.

Final Performance

I did.
It was.
I believed
that the impossible could be.
The heavens now in the skies.
The world transformed before my eyes.

I saw.
It performed.
I succumbed
to its splendor.
So convincing that I could not deny
I embraced it and I became alive.

I fell.
It stopped.
I cried
because he was gone.
Lifting me up defying all of the rules
he dropped me into a sea of fools.

Now I -
I must decide.
I cannot deny
that he was but a fantasy.
This love I thought I found is dead.
Existing only inside my foolish head.

Resurrection

A beginning and an ending;
our directions never intending
to lead us to such a day.

So consumed by survival here;
our focus leaves us lost and we're
unwilling to lift our eyes and look away

The air now cold, the dark surrounds
our tired souls. Our fears abound
and we wonder why they didn't stay.

We must keep moving though the darkness hides
the path.  We persist in emptiness that chides
our attempts to find our way.

In shadows we dwell with plastic smiles
that fool each other for miles and miles
accepting death as life and night as day.

Until a distant spot appears
A ray of hope sustained for years
warms the air and lights the way.

And I am again alive and strong.
I believe again that I belong;
From a darkness cold and empty
your love has resurrected me.