the story of my hurt

i should say thanks because i'm here.
not alive but not dead yet i fear.
and today i open my ears and hear
your words pierce my heart like a spear.
a heart so broke it cannot steer
the blood to sustain this lonely queer.

but see I'm a man diseased,
cause i reach out even say please
and everybody smiles with a chilling breeze
but they never hold my hand like these
or kiss my lips with gentle ease
or suck my dick down on their knees.

cause once i thought i found a prize.
thought he thought i was worth the tries.
and i got lost inside his eyes
believed like a fool all his lies.
haven't yet dried my eyes
and his blade-sharp words keep me hypnotized;
stuck in time just paralyzed.

never hurt so much so fucking much
my eyes swollen shut, can't breathe and such.
but i felt it get hard with my touch
i believed in you and insomuch

so sure that you would want my touch,
my kiss was real - yours, not so much.

so stupid me i've been a fool
for believing i could break the rule,
for thinking you wouldn't love being cruel
for dreaming i could ever be cool

once i had hope then i awoke
to find that i am one big joke
whose ass they all just love to poke
then fill my lungs with deadly smoke
and keep me down - my spirit broke.
crack it open and eat the yolk.

i don't believe that you misspoke.

the hurt is all i seem to feel
like a wound so deep it will never heal.
i really believed that you were real.
opened my heart and let you steal
instead of love you made a meal
and now my world seems so surreal
cause still I got no idea what you feel

but I know this and of this I'm sure
you're in my soul that will endure
there's no way back and no detour
my love for you is raw and pure
and I am stuck here till they find a cure.