Prisoner

The air is motionless, heavy and thick. 

The quiet streets seem ominous, as if silently hiding a secret or a cruel trick.

An emptiness devours the day

while underneath a suffering sky of pure gray

struggles to cough up the tiniest crumb of sunlight

before it tumbles down to a dreadfully still afternoon.

An early darkness is coming soon 

and we will eat this day as perfectly congealed portions served from a spoon.

 

The handsome thieves that steal our breath

deal in a darkness that isn't death.

 

Today I am a prisoner of the sky.

Its yellow glow holds me in

and magnifies the dirt on my skin

like a flashing motel sign or an advertisement of my fears.

Try to wipe it off but it only smears.

 

The sun, once merciful, opens ia bleeding mouth to drain its wound 

as an empathetic monsoon

that falls like chaotic bombs everywhere.

It spits out the ashes of a million lives and a million dreams that lived and died here or maybe there -

Dreams of people who bravely took a chance

and then murdered later by circumstance.

Their hopes were no less than mine - still few will witness and fewer will care.

Perhaps they existed nowhere

in this universe or a single point in time.

Maybe I have reason to fear

the echoing monotone growing louder in my ear.

 

Already it has forgotten me.

It never asked my name, acknowledged my life or slightly cared

if I had dreams or if sometimes I am scared

of tomorrow or of an empty today.

But I know what they will say.

I should tour a museum or save a whale.

I should fry in a pan so I don't look pale.

 

I want to believe your words.

And If I am lucky they will be true.

Because we should be closer, me and you -

like a tourist posing with a statue.

Such a picture looks so very sincere.

We will swear to feel just as it appears.

It will look real and we will say it is true,

but my burning flesh reminds me that I don't know you.

You could be a mirage in the yellow heat.

You will pull away my chair and say have a seat.

If I feel anything you will always run away

as everyone does from a calculated smile

or a funny story you'll forget in a while.

The memory fades like all else unreal.

Like it I couldn't possibly feel

anything. Anything at all.

 

No one really means what they say.

Invisible words are so easily denied.

But tears leave a trail when they've dried.

How silly to expect honesty anyway?

 

Maybe you are real but maybe I am not.

Either way the sun remains uncomfortably hot

And I am closing a door

 

on this yellow day I shall dream no more.

It is an empty day today.

and I shall be on my way.

Love, one-way

It was an awakening of my soul
and for that tiny moment I felt whole.
For you I would have caught the sky
and held it close just for you and I.
A moment gone, a moment past.
A moment never meant to last.
But how it changed me, looking now
at the person looking back and how
I am not who I used to be.
Though who that is I cannot see.
I now know the agony of a broken heart -
the pain of love that wouldn't start.
Some would say that I am better off
because I loved even though I lost.
Whether they are right I cannot say
because my love has always been one-way.

Frozen Chance

The sky was cruel, boasting its gray.
Yet a determined hope held to a single ray
so brilliant and it drew me in.
I watched the light dissolve the gray,
yet back to me it found its way
and burrowed beneath my frozen skin
fooled my soul to be taken in
and believe the night was day.

The rain was wiser, reluctant to fall.
Aware that I was no match at all.
But spare me it would not comply,
and drenched my spirit with its relentless wet cry.
I shivered with instinct that I would later recall
were tears yet unborn of this frosted lie.

Every moment a flurry of romance.
The stars asked my soul to dance
and with no regard for cirumstance
I stayed and took a chance.

The wind blew truth that would not relent,
each biting gust that came and went
became another whisper to resent.
Like enemies with nothing to lose,
the wind will wait while it makes you choose.
Despite that your fate has already been sold.
This is how truth retains its control,
because sooner or later we all flee from the cold.

A fire in the bitter cold
is a lesson learned from someone old.

The savage cold but laughed like a child.
Delightfully watching me struggle, it smiled
and escorted the moment as it arrived -
to decide which part of my soul will survive.
Though cold I was complete for the very first time
but I knew our destinites were not aligned.
The choice was no longer one I could withhold
So I turned away and sold my soul.

The choice endures for others to make,
and all who yet haven't will feel their heart break.
A frozen eternity is borrowed from fate,
whose gift is a moment before dreams evaporate.

Missed

Not a sliver of fair

Not that anyone would care
Because even though I exist
I am so easily missed
A speck of beauty cannot be found
And no lips utter a single sound
Of the tiniest compliment
My life came and so quickly there it went.

end me

I just want someone to care.
to look at me, not stare
to acknowledge that I am there
to want to breathe my air
and fuck my ass bare
make me cum and actually care
to not be with me on a dare
to always win when I'm compared.

touching me not as politeness requires
sucking my dick from your burning desire
see me as something you've never seen prior
deaf to the whispers of those who conspire
tell me your truths and reject every liar
see me as real, as one you admire
I bring a completeness you long to acquire
With me alone you find the peace i inspire
and i take you somewhere you couldn't be higher.

But you don't exist i've come to see
that no one desires these things from me.
So perhaps i should stop wasting energy
perpetuating a ridiculous fantasy
that very likely will never be.
instead why not use the time constructively
and find a simple way to end me.

Bold

Spoke clever words when the room was filled.
Heard my words and they were thrilled.
Reached the other side and didn't fall
when i walked the rope for one more call.

They say success belongs to me.
cause I chased shadows I thought were free.
Dug in the ground these hands of mine.
Can't stop now when it's almost mine
some days dirty, some days clean
fooled them all even me it seems.
Fought and cried and pushed my soul
so sure the answers were in that goal.

more than a few dollars in the vault
things go wrong it's someone else's fault.
and though i rarely miss a meal
So hungry that I'd kill and steal
if it meant that i would get to you.
i could get there if i only knew

where to go
wish i could know
who you are
cause you can't be far
and different as i might possibly be
it makes no sense that them and me
aren't brothers enough the same
somebody's gotta call my name.

yeah i sound good on the microphone
look good when the spotlights shone
i can be so very bold
but tomorrow i'm just another day old
and i just want someone to hold.
I just want someone to hold.

all i got to say

What if I told you how I feel?
Does that leave me with any appeal?
See I know this has to be real -
But can I to you my thoughts reveal?
Or would that mean my fate is sealed?

Cause I can't stop thinking about you.
Can't stop thinking about all you do.
Wanting so much for you to feel it too.
And I can't accept that this is through.
Cause what I feel for you is true.

I know you moved on, got your own man
My heart is trying but it don't understand.
Cause you are my total attention span
and truth is I don't have no plan.
all I wanna do is hold your hand.

I figured it out. See it's all so clear.
I know I lie and try to appear
that I don't wanna hold you near
every second of every month and year.
And that losing you is what I most fear.

It's really all I got to say.
I love you in every way.
I love you tomorrow and today.
I love you near or far away.
Yeah that's all I got to say.